A wedding is a serious occasion. However, at different points in the ceremony, you might want to introduce a bit of humour into the occasion and get everyone laughing. Queue some funny wedding readings such as the ones below.


Funny Wedding Readings

We’ve had a look through some readings and the following say everything about marriage but in a really amusing way. What do you think? Do you have any to add? You could always have one sentimental poem and then lighten things up by having something that will make everybody laugh.

“Yes I’ll marry you my dear” by Pam Ayres

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
And here’s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.
Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It’s you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbour
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It’s you that has to whack him.
Yes, I’ll marry you,
You’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!
It’s you who has to work the drill and put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do

shootinghip.comkeil-funny-readings If you are nervous about giving a reading, remember to keep it short and remember to pause for laughs before occasionally. Don’t talk through the laugh – enjoy entertaining everybody and let them enjoy it too. Here’s one we think will strike a few funny chords with the audience.

“Let Me Put It This Way” by Simon Armitage

Let me put it this way: if you came to lay your sleeping head against my arm or sleeve, and if my arm went dead, or if I had to take my leave at midnight, I should rather cleave it from the joint or seam than make a scene or bring you round. There, how does that sound?

If you want a reading to make up part of a speech or add a closing comment, then this one by Sandra Boynton works perfectly. It talks about a future together, side by side.

“Your Personal Penguin” by Sandra Boynton

I like you a lot.
You’re funny and kind.
So let me explain
What I have in mind.
I want to be your personal penguin.
I want to walk right by your side.
I want to be your personal penguin.
I want to travel with you far and wide.

The late poet Hovis Presley (yes we think he MUST have made his name up) says it all really. This is sure to bring a laugh from all age groups!

“I rely on you” by Hovis Presley

I rely on you like a Skoda needs suspension, like the aged need a pension, like a trampoline needs tension, like a bungee jump needs apprehension. I rely on you like a camera needs a shutter, like a gambler needs a flutter, like a golfer needs a putter, like a buttered scone involves some butter. I rely on you like an acrobat needs ice cool nerve, like a hairpin needs a drastic curve, like an HGV needs endless derv, like an outside left needs a body swerve. I rely on you like a handyman needs pliers, like an auctioneer needs buyers, like a laundromat needs driers, like The Good Life needed Richard Briers. I rely on you like a water vole needs water, like a brick outhouse needs mortar, like a lemming to the slaughter, Ryan’s just Ryan without his daughter. I rely on you

mikiphotography.co.uk Sometimes humour is actually saying something very serious. When you’re getting married it’s sometimes called ‘taking the plunge’. These words below say that. Might be apt if you’ve known one another a long time before tying the knot? It’s great for inspirations for funny wedding speeches.

“The Little Yellow Leaf” by Carin Berger

(The story of a leaf who isn’t ready to let go from the tree)

And then, high up on an icy branch, a scarlet flash.
One more leaf holding tight.
“You’re here?” called the Little Yellow Leaf.
“I am,” said the Little Scarlet Leaf.
“Like me!” said the Little Yellow Leaf.
Neither spoke.
“Will you?” asked the Little Scarlett Leaf.
“I will!” said the Little Yellow Leaf.
And one, two, three, they let go and soared.

Like these funny wedding readings? You’ll love some of the others we have in our Readings Section right here! Are you writing something specifically for the big day? Why not test it out on the b2bs in the Wedding Ideas Forum first!


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  1. Wedding speeches are something the guests will long remember so getting the humor right is crucial.

    If you are going to be a best man and want guests to remember your speech for all the right reasons check out our article:

    *The Topics You Should Avoid In Your Speech At All Costs*



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