Everyone wants their wedding day to be a special day, but sometimes when having to deal with divorced parents, it makes that target a bit harder to hit.

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You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and sometimes it might feel like you’re walking through a minefield. Whether your parents can’t be in the same room together, they don’t like each others’ new partners, or even if they separated on good terms, it can add difficulty to your wedding planning.

Having more parental figures in your life, often meaning there is an idea of competition and bidding between them, gives you more to deal with. You want to share out the wedding roles in a way that’s fair and that won’t step on anybody’s toes but that can give you a lot to think about. For example, who’s going to give you away, the table plan, the wedding photographs, speeches and the father-daughter dance, all these things are needed to be considered if you have divorced parents.

You want to be focusing on uniting families, rather than splitting the wedding four ways to deal with divorced parents and then step-parents. So why not speak to each of them about it? You never know they may push aside any differences they have, or they may co-operate and compromise in any way to make your day perfect for you – they’ll understand! Just make sure that you organise, establish roles and discuss your plans in good time before the wedding, so you can arrange, and perhaps, let dust settle.

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They’re old enough to do what they’re told and not make you feel guilty about any difficult decisions you have to make; it’s your wedding and you don’t want any arguments or drama, so they should respect that!

Are you planning a wedding when you or your h2b have divorced parents? How are you finding it? Have you got any advice or tips for people that are struggling a bit?

Let us know! x

9 COMMENTS

  1. Very interesting article! I am in the process of trying to keep my parents as separate as possible during the build up and the wedding day itself. I have to have a separate hen parties so that my mum and my dad’s wife are not together on the same one. Although i would like them both to be at one, i wouldn’t be able to relax and have fun if they were.

    I know that on the day they all will behave as adults should but i want to try and take away as many moments as i can that they have to be together, for their sake and mine!

  2. This is something that we have really struggled with because of my parents! Whilst they all get on and can be in the same room as each other and actually I am very lucky that they are 100% civil with each other, there is still a bit of jealousy somewhere and especially with the delicate nature of who sat at the top table! I wanted both my parents up there, but didn’t want my step parents to feel left out, so I do have all 4 of them up there, but then I couldn’t put my stepmum closer to me so I have set the table as me, my mum, my stepdad, my dad and my stepmum then on H2B side – his non-divorced parents our best man and 1 of the 2 chief bridesmaids (another difficult challenge – I couldn’t choose so I have 2!). That seems to keep everyone happy now, although it was a challenge getting there as I was too worried about offending someone somehow! Just be honest with your step parents and explain your actions/thoughts/reasons and for 1 day I am sure they will be ok with any of your decisions. In order to make them all feel part of the day as well, I am taking my step mum shopping for a dress just us and my step dad is getting a matching suit and button hole as well, which just lets them know that I love them and they are a big part of my wedding day, and everyday life!

  3. from my experience i would suggest the person who wrote that doesn’t have divorced and remarried parents haha but good luck to all who are stuck in the middle! I have told all parents that all the others will probably be there but apart from that it’s out of my hands and i will be ignoring any death stares, hair pulling and black eyes on the day

  4. I am having this problem and we only got engaged 6 months ago with the wedding not until July 2014! My parents are in the middle of a divorce and I do not like my dads new partner (who he left my mum for) My mum’s side of the family also do not want my dads new partner to be there, but he obviously does. Then on my fiance’s side of the family – his parents are divorced and his mums partner hates my fiance and makes it all very awkward for my future mother in law, and my fiances dad’s new wife is not very friendly and he still has feelings for his ex (my future mother in law!) All very complicated! going to be a very stressful day! 🙁

  5. I think this article is beautifully written and raised awareness that these problems need to be considered when planning weddings as it could potentially make or break you special day.

  6. As a wedding stationery designer, this is always a hot topic when doing table plans and layouts… I’ve had two couples cancel their entire wedding and get hitched abroad as the families simply couldn’t meet eye to eye… one had two sets of divorced parents for both bride and groom to contend with.

    I’ve found some diplomacy has to be had by the B&G with the parents, and several family tables spread around the room can help. One couple aren’t having a top table, so not to upset anyone, and they’ve got a set of seats with their maid of honour and best man table instead… which is in the center of the room rather than top of room.

    It can be very hard and sometimes a bit of a minefield indeed. Sometimes I have done table plan layouts less than a day before the wedding as the family is being constantly moved about the room! 🙂

  7. interesteing article, wish it was that simple, when you have parents who have not set eyes on ech other for 15years and one threatening not to come if the otehr was there… i’d love it though if said parent could do as she’s told and not guilt trip me, and above all, give me a drama free wedding, but i won’t hold my breath!

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