We’ve all seen the films and, no matter how good friends you are, the thought will have crossed your minds at least once if your best girl is also engaged. “What if her wedding is better than mine?”
Cue the beginning of bride wars, where you both become super competitive about your dream days and the focus shifts from saying your “I dos” to having the ‘best’ wedding of the two of you and bickering over ‘stolen’ ideas. If these 11 signs apply to you, you might even be becoming a bridezilla!
Bride wars don’t have to set you and your friend against each other, though. Use the four stages below to adjust your mindset and become the best bridal team ever instead.
It’s not a race
It doesn’t matter who gets married first, so don’t panic if your best girl suddenly books a date ahead of your own. Yes, you’ll likely have mutual friends who will attend both celebrations, but they won’t be taking notes to compare the two.
Think about it: when did you last compare the wedding you were at to others you’d been to? You don’t, because you’re wrapped up in the happiness, celebrations and love that wedding days bring. While you both might be feeling competitive with each other to throw the best wedding, it probably won’t even cross your guests’ minds.
You’re all going to win
Once you start your journey wedding planning it’s easy to become wrapped up by flowers, cakes, candles and dresses. Whether you’re putting it together alone, with your venue co-ordinator or a dedicated planner, you and your h2b will be asked to make decisions and have opinions on all of these things and more, so much so that it can become pretty distracting.
Throw Pinterest into the mix and your wedding becomes more about the décor and styling than it is about actually saying your vows and what that means. If you notice this happening, it’s time for a reality check. Take a night off from planning, organise a surprise date night for your significant other and reconnect with the real significance of your wedding. It’s not all about the aesthetics and simply the act of marrying your favourite person will guarantee you have the best day of your lives.
You’re all different
What makes a wedding perfect to you probably won’t be what makes it perfect to your best friend. One of you might love simple blush and gold palettes, while the other might be throwing out the rulebook in favour of a bohemian beach blessing instead.
Weddings are completely personal and these days there are very few one-size-fits-all requirements – even the wording of some ceremonies can be made unique! In any other situation you wouldn’t compare two very different events the way you are with your weddings, so why waste your time? Embrace your different approaches and the fact that those differences are what will ultimately make your wedding the best it can be for you as couples.
Not everything is personal
Just like when a bridesmaid becomes pregnant during your wedding planning, other couples don’t get engaged when they do to detract attention from the fact that you are too! So if you both end up planning your weddings at similar times, treat is as a happy coincidence. You’ve just bagged yourself at least one friend who won’t get bored after the 100th hour of wedmin chats – trust us, there will come a time when you will be glad of that!
If you think there’s too much or too little swapping of wedding notes going on, then speak out about it. Hearing about each other’s dream days and just how perfect they’re going to be can become overwhelming, especially if one of you is further advanced in the planning than the other.
Try to remember that sharing plans and tips is not always about being competitive or showing off how brilliant your respective ideas are. That’s not the point of sharing, after all, and you are friends, so rather than immediately jumping to conclusions and getting frustrated, why not open up to the idea of actually helping each other out?
Think about it: two weddings in one year does not mean they have to be rivals. It actually creates the perfect opportunity to have some of the best bridal support you can – another bride, going through a lot of the same highs and lows as you! You’ve just become part of the lucky few who get to enjoy their wedding planning with their best friend on the same page, a privilege that not everyone gets.