Plan on cracking a few jokes during your best man speech? We look at 12 of the best tried-and-tested quips
Taking on the role of best man is a great honour, but it comes with lots of responsibilities, too, from taking care of the rings, to getting the groom to the ceremony on time, to – of course – producing a winning speech!
Love them or loathe them, a few jokes sprinkled into your toast to the bride and groom is sure to keep your audience captivated throughout. So, if you’re in need of a little inspiration, these chucklesome tried-and-tested quips should get you started…
Top jokes to add to your best man speech
“If you can’t hear me at the back, the silence at the front should assure you that you’re not missing out on anything.”
“I’m not used to public speaking. I only found out today that a toastmaster isn’t actually a kitchen appliance.”
“It’s been an emotional day. Even the cake is in tiers.”
“If there’s anyone here this afternoon who’s feeling nervous, apprehensive and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead, it’s probably because you’ve just married [groom’s name].”
“All those among you who know the bride will know that she is a wonderful caring person. She deserves a good husband. Thank god he married her before she found one.”
“Loyal, caring, sincere, honest and a great man. But enough about me!”
“Just some last messages here to read out: one from the groom’s football team to [bride’s name]. ‘Apologies that we couldn’t all be here today, good luck with [groom’s name]. We’ve found him to be useless in most positions, but wishing you all the best for tonight.'”
“A best man is similar to a dead body at a funeral. You’re expected to be there, but if you say too much, people start freaking out.”
“Hello, I’m [your name] and I’m here to tell you all about [groom’s name] and how wonderful, handsome and… sorry mate, I can’t read your writing.”
“As part of my research, I discovered that according to tradition I am supposed to sing the groom’s praises and tell you all about his many good points. Well, I’m very sorry but I can’t sing and I won’t lie.”
“I always knew the groom’s speech would be hard to follow. In fact, I couldn’t understand a word of it.”
“The groom and I share a common sense of humour. So if this speech is in any way funny, feel free to blame him.”
Dos and don’ts of the best man speech
- Keep it clean – your best mate’s grandma probably won’t appreciate you dropping in F-bombs every 30 seconds.
- Pause for laughter. Nothing’s worse than an awkward silence!
- Avoid in-jokes that most of your guests won’t understand
- Add a personal twist by making it more individual to the groom