If you’re planning your big day but are unsure on a couple of details, have no fear! Agnes Los from Confetti has answered some of the most-asked questions from our real-life brides!
What are save-the-dates and do I have to send them?
The save-the-date is a charming and useful stationery idea that has travelled to us from across the pond. It’s a simple note telling the guests to literally “save the date” in their calendars for your future wedding. These don’t require a reply and are then followed by the proper invitation. It’s important to keep an accurate record of the guests you have sent the save-the-dates to, as it’s in really bad taste not to follow a save-the-date with an invitation.
Save-the-dates are usually sent when the wedding is far in the future and you’re still some way off from sending the invitations. They are especially useful when you are getting wed abroad and the guests need to book time off work and arrange the costs of travelling to your wedding. Simply put, the more notice you give them, the better!
I’ve just got engaged and everyone wants to be my bridesmaid! How can I politely tell them no?
Sometimes, your long-lost friends, or even people you barely know, come out of the woodwork at the first hint of the word ‘wedding’. For too many girls, this means getting a free new outfit, free professional hair and make-up service, and an opportunity to be a star of someone else’s day. Those are all the wrong reasons to be a bridesmaid.
Simply say “awww that’s so sweet, thanks for asking! Sorry I can’t really say much about it at the moment, my fiancé and I haven’t yet agreed on a budget, so I don’t even know how many bridesmaids I can have (roll eyes for effect)! I’ll let you know as soon as I’ve decided!”
Do the bridesmaids and flower girls walk down the aisle in front or behind the bride?
Traditionally it’s been said that in America the bridesmaids walk first, and in the UK the bridesmaids walk last. Luckily this really doesn’t matter anymore! However, for reasons of practicality and anticipation, it’s better if the bridesmaids walk first, followed by a flowergirl (who may be scattering petals or carrying a “here comes the bride” sign) and the bride with her father to follow last.
For practical reasons, if the bride walks in first, she then has to stand at the altar with her father and the groom waiting for the rest of the bridesmaids to file in. It’s not so bad when there’s only one or two of them, but more than that takes up too much time. Also, if the flowergirl is young and overwhelmed it may be hard for her to walk in first followed by the bride, with everyone staring. When bridesmaids walk first it creates a lovely sense of anticipation for the bride’s arrival as well.
Do I really need to have a colour scheme?
No, of course not! These days, brides can truly have any kind of wedding they want. Your family won’t disown you just because the chair sashes aren’t the same colour as the groomsmen’s cravats.
Think simple – an all-white or all-ivory wedding is timeless, classic, and always looks stunning. If you want to add some colour, do it with flowers. Your florist will help you with all kinds of suggestions.
All you have to consider is the things you like that are meaningful to you, and incorporate them into your wedding. And of course, you can find lots of inspiration online!
I’m finding the wedding planning experience really stressful! How do I cope?
Just like with anything else – you need to take time out.
Don’t let the wedding consume every free minute of your waking (and sleeping) time. Be sure to have regular breaks from it all – go to the movies, have a quick getaway with your fiancé, get your nails done, and hang out with your friends on strictly non-wedding days.
Declare at least one day a week “wedding-free day”. Family members incessantly emailing or calling you? Don’t reply and don’t answer until the next day, the world is not going to end! Thank everyone for everything they are offering, including money, advice, and DIY skills, and tell them you have to talk it over with your fiancé.
Make your work a non-wedding zone. Try to avoid talking about it at the office so you have a few hours every day when you concentrate on other things. A feeling of being organised helps tremendously – keep lists and spreadsheets and don’t worry about forgetting anything because you’ve already written it down anyway.
Once you’ve had a breather, you’ll find it a lot easier to cope with the next task – that’s life!
Is the groom supposed to watch the bride walking down the aisle or not?
Believe it or not, we’ve heard of a registrar who told a groom he’s not allowed to turn around and look at the bride until she’s standing beside him. Not allowed! We say – why should he miss watching his beloved, looking her most stunning ever, walking towards him?
There is no rule for whether the groom can watch the bride walking down the aisle or not. It’s something the couple agree between each other, and it doesn’t matter what the registrar or the vicar says. The walk down the aisle is wonderful and will only ever happen once – so don’t let the groom miss it!
What’s the worst that can happen?
The worst that can happen is your wedding gets cancelled, for any reason whatsoever. We’ve got two words for you – wedding insurance. It costs less than you think and yet the peace of mind it provides is invaluable. You’ll be surprised about things it covers! This day is probably costing you a bundle, do yourself a favour and don’t get stuck with huge bills and deposits you have paid for nothing. It’s just a smart thing to do!