How involved should the mother of the bride or groom be with the wedding day? If you’re worried she’s in danger of taking over, here’s a guide to mother of the bride etiquette for the big day…

Mother of the Bride Etiquette: What not to do

Mother of the Bride Etiquette: What not to do

How involved should the mother of the bride or groom be?

With their children getting married, both sets of mothers are bound to get excited. Your diary will probably be filling up with lunch dates with you and your mother, and your soon-to-be mother-in-law can’t seem to stop bringing up the wedding at every opportunity.

It can always alleviate a bit of stress when you accept help from someone else when it comes to planning your big day, but that doesn’t mean they’re allowed to take over. Mothers of the bride or groom do have a tendency to go overboard, so be warned!

If you want something done a particular way, don’t let your mother’s words sway you. Your day, your way – and that’s that.

Don’t let her take on too much

By no means should you refuse all the help on offer, but when delegating wedding duties to your friends and family members, make sure that both you and they are realistic in the amount they are taking on.

No matter how keen your mother-in-law may be to take on the 20 jobs you have on your to-do list, remember that her eager excitement for the wedding plans may wear out before she’s even finished her second task of writing out all the place cards.

At that point, you won’t even dare to mention the handmade favours she agreed to do…

Don’t let her opinions affect you

It may be the case that your mother or mother-in-law disapproves of how you are planning your wedding, from the dress you’ve chosen to the venue you’ve booked.

Taking her along to your wedding dress fitting can quickly turn from a lovely and thoughtful idea, to maybe changing the aim of the shopping trip to buying an axe, and a shovel.

Mother of the Bride Etiquette: What not to do

And her constant comments about your husband-to-be not making enough effort? Not what you need right now. If this is happening to you, calmly let her know what she is saying is upsetting you, and most importantly, don’t let it affect you.

Don’t allow her to dress like the bride or bridesmaids

Under no circumstances should your mother be wearing white on your wedding day, unless you’ve chosen not to. We’re almost certain your mum would think this one through, but make sure you ask her what she’s wearing before the big day actually arrives.

On a similar note, unless you’ve suggested she does so, make sure your mother isn’t deliberately matching her outfit to your bridesmaids.

If she does want to make some kind of link to the bridal party, suggest she wears a corsage in the same colour as the bridesmaid dresses. It would be a really nice touch for the photographs, and make your mum a little bit happier. Remember to include the groom’s mother in this too, so she doesn’t feel left out.

Don’t let her be late

From offering advice and knowing exactly how to calm you down, to readjusting that strand of hair that’s a little out of place after you’ve finished getting ready, your mum should be there for you on your wedding morning!

That goes for the rest of the wedding planning process, too – all the arranged appointments, lunch-time meet ups to talk about table plans, and so on. You should never underestimate the usefulness of a mum around your wedding time, and neither should she!

Don’t let her steal the show

Wearing white on the day is one thing, but taking complete control of everything that’s going on, pointing out every little detail she helped with, and not letting the bride or groom get a word on their wedding day is on another level!

Either the excitement of the wedding has got a little too much for her, or her glass is getting topped up a little too often; either way, there comes a point when it’s acceptable to just say “stop”. I mean, she didn’t even help with that bunting!


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  1. Not wear white? I would love to share the limelight with my mum. Im telling her to wear light whiteish colours. She’s my mum and the only other person that can get away with it. My day is also her day. I wont take thay excitment from her. If it wasnt for her i wouldnt be here lol

  2. Ha my mother in law didn’t even come to our wedding even though it was 5 mins from her house and the boys stayed at hers the night before!
    All mother in laws are dragons!!


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