We’ve got Ruth Donaldson of Heirloom London to explain some of the ways you can be sure your partner will say ‘no’ when you pop the question.

So, if you are planning a proposal and want ‘yes’ to be the reply, make sure you don’t make any of these mistakes below. (And if you are the one being proposed to, then maybe these will indicate she or he isn’t the one for you…)

Ignore her tastes completely

Does she only wear white metals? 9kt gold is your friend here, deep yellow and not even really gold. Does she like clean, contemporary lines? Choose an old-fashioned, busy design with lots of detail.

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Be unromantic

Chucking the ring box at her during a premiership game while asking her not to talk to you before it’s over really does the ice bucket challenge to the whole thing.

Be inconsiderate

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Been engaged before? Giving her your ex’s ring and making sure she knows is a definite success strategy here. For added points, don’t even resize it to fit her finger.

Don’t research her hand size

The easy thing to do here is ensure that the ring is way too small so she can’t get it on her finger, then say something along the lines of ‘when did your finger get so fat?”. You can’t be engaged if she can’t wear it.

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Get something which doesn’t suit her

Square-shaped fingers? A square diamond will make it look like she has robot hands. If she has short, fleshy fingers then really wide bands will make them look even more so. She’s got to wear this ring forever, and this will definitely make her think twice.

Give her a rubbish diamond

Go online and buy the biggest, cheapest diamond you can find. It won’t take her long to work out there are better quality lumps of coal available when she compares it to her friends.

Ensure the ring is poor quality

The great thing about non-precious metals is how quickly they lose their looks. Even silver wears away quite quickly, so just pick up something cheap from Topshop and assure her that this is the real deal, not a placeholder.

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Arrange a stolen ring

Something cheap and dodgy? Look for a design that is engraved with a personal message and date… to somebody else. Often sold on cheaply by petty criminals, an extra special touch will be to pay half up front, and give your girlfriend’s work address so that they turn up claiming payment for the other half.

Arrange for family time

Is your dad a lazy, loathsome slob with a philandering eye? A day in his company may underline what you are going to turn into. Or she might leave you for your dad. Either way… job done.

Organise a public proposal

You know she is a private person and hates big scenes. So what could be better than getting a Mexican band, some singers wearing dodgy t-shirts and stage everything to happen in Westfield at lunchtime on a Saturday?

We hope you enjoyed that tongue-in-cheek article as much as we did – and if you’re looking to pop the question for real (with a ‘yes’ response), check out Heirloom London for their beautiful collection of engagement rings, and more!