How to avoid wedding day disasters
There's no doubt about it, planning a wedding can be tough. When you're not having parental problems, guest list traumas, honeymoon headaches or dress dilemmas, you're probably dealing with 101 unexpected issues that crop up and seem to take over everything! Here are some of the most common wedding problems and ways you can solve them. So, run a bath, grab some chocolate and read on…
Divorced parents
Understandably, wondering how divorced parents will cope with the day can be a major concern, especially if new partners are involved too. It's very rare that people are not able to swallow their feelings for one day, particularly when it should be such a happy occasion.
If you've got parental problems, do let suppliers know so no-one tries to force ex-partners together for the sake of a photograph. Seating arrangements can be a hot topic. If parents are still on speaking terms or prepared to put their own issues aside for the day, then the 'traditional' top table is still possible as they won't be sitting next to each other anyway! If you're incorporating new partners, then they could be seated towards the ends of the top table or on guest tables. Or, you could ditch the standard table arrangement and let parents play host at the other tables. Alternatively, have a 'bride & groom' table on your own or seat your bridesmaids, best man and ushers (along with partners if you like) with you both.
Money, money, money
This is probably a wedding hot spot for a lot of couples! Now that so many people finance their own weddings, and forsake the 'traditional' concepts of who pays for what, it can make things harder in some ways – do you still 'expect' for families to make a contribution or are you happy to provide for yourself?
There's no right answer here and with something as personal as money, it's your choice. If you're offered help, try to set a figure early on so you know exactly how much you have to add to your budget. If nothing is said, set a budget you can afford without any contributions. Until you've had an exact figure, don't try to guess how much it will be, as this can cause major headaches. Discussing money is never easy but it's easier to confirm things early on than at a later stage.
Not the best man
Lots of brides have concerns about the 'not-so' best man! He might be a lovely chap and your partner's oldest friend, but you know that he likes a drink and tends to get rather 'vocal'. Speaking to someone in the wedding group about your concerns can be a great help. Fathers of the bride can be very effective in keeping someone in check, at least until the end of the formalities. If people know how you want situations to be handled, they can deal with things for you without making a fuss.
Suited and booted?
With the shift to more informal celebrations, it can be hard for the guys in the wedding party to know what to wear. Who should wear outfits similar to the groom? I would suggest that Fathers, Best Men and Ushers should stand out from the rest of the crowd, as it makes it easier for guests to know who's in the wedding party. You could easily differentiate between them by using different buttonholes, ties, cravats and waistcoats. They don't have to look identical and giving the guys some freedom is a good idea! If you can, make sure they clean their shoes before the big day. Photographs of suited chaps walking together are really popular and scruffy shoes are really noticeable.
Food glorious food
It's nice to offer guests some food and it's a great focal point but if you can't afford a huge sit-down dinner, don't worry. A gorgeous buffet is a great option (and is an easy way to cater for vegetarians or others on special diets) or how about a barbecue or hog roast? A traditional afternoon tea with scones, cakes and sandwiches is really elegant or mini picnic packs for guests are wonderful in summer. Buffet stations are one of the latest, greatest ideas and fantastically presented canapés really wow guests. Also, if you're not having an evening buffet, it's wise to tell evening guests, as they might have skipped their own dinner to travel.
A question of kids
This is always a tough question and, at the end of the day, it's down to personal choice. Do be warned that some parents might not take too kindly to their children being excluded. Others, however, will jump at the chance of a day without them! Be clear on your invitations exactly who is invited so there's no confusion and be consistent. As a compromise, arranging a supervised room for kids during the ceremony is a good idea if you're worried about noise. Children's goody bags also help during the reception if you pack them with things to keep them amused.
Take your partners
Deciding whether to invite partners of friends or family to the celebrations is always an issue. If you want them there, have space at the venue and room in your budget, go ahead. But, if you feel you don't know them well enough or you just don't have room, don't feel obliged. Perhaps you could compromise and invite partners to the evening reception? Speak to people and explain why you can't invite partners (restrictions on numbers etc), so there's no confusion or upset when the invitation arrives.
Presents or presence?
Bringing gifts for the newlyweds is part of wedding tradition, but the relatively new concept of gift lists has brought new problems. Traditional etiquette says details of the list should be given only when people ask where your gift list is held. However, lots of couples do include their list location with their invitations. It's a toss up here between including it and risking offence (especially with older guests) or not and having people then buy a gift 'off piste'. If you're unsure, err on the side of caution and don't include it; word will always spread with anything wedding related!
Bridesmaid bother
You've chosen your bridesmaids, but they don't seem that bothered. You know there are dresses to be ordered and accessories to choose but they can never find the time for you. A lot of this can be put down to the hectic pace at which we all live our lives and your wedding won't always come top of everyone else's priority lists. So, when the excitement of the role is still new to your attendants, book dress-shopping expeditions and hen nights. Planning in advance can help get things done and stop you feeling like people don't care. Make wedding tasks together fun things that you can look forward to for a while, not something you try to cram into packed diaries at the last moment.
He doesn't understand!
With a very few exceptions, the majority of men simply aren't interested in wedding plans. They can't understand our need to send away for hundreds of samples, obsess over colours, fantasise about favours or drool over dresses. It's not that they don't care, it's just that's not what they do! I've heard a few grooms say that they don't want to offer too many opinions in case they give the wrong one! So, give them a few simple tasks to start with and see what happens. If things get done, give them more to do, but if things don't get done, try not to take it personally. Just ring up your best friends, open the wine, order the takeaway and spend a great girlie evening talking weddings!