Do romantic readings make you cringe instead of giving you a warm, fuzzy glow? Then try something different! Here are three of our favourite quirky wedding readings suitable for civil ceremonies…

quirky-wedding-readings

Yes, I’ll Marry You by Pam Ayres

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear, and here’s the reason why; So I can push you out of bed when the baby starts to cry, and if we hear a knocking and it’s creepy and it’s late, I hand you the torch you see, and you investigate.

Yes I’ll marry you, my dear, you may not apprehend it, but when the tumble-drier goes it’s you that has to mend it. You have to face the neighbour should our Labrador attack him, and if a drunkard fondles me it’s you that has to whack him.

Yes, I’ll marry you, you’re virile and you’re lean, my house is like a pigsty you can help to keep it clean. That tasty little dinner which you served by candlelight, as I do chipolatas, you can cook it every night!

It’s you who has to work the drill and put up curtain track, and when i am in a mood it’s you who gets the flak. i do see great advantages, but none of them for you, and so before you see the light, I do, I do, I do.

Mayonnaise jar and golf balls reading

For all you philosophical brides-to-be, this quirky wedding reading is a tad long but it’s definitely worth the read.

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.  They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous “yes.”

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things–your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions–and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else–the small stuff. “If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your  spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first–the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a few beers with a friend.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJQ8RK6lnuU

Oh, the places you’ll go!

Finally we can’t have a quirky wedding readings feature without having some Dr. Seuss…

Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to great places! You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the COUPLE who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look ‘em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town.

It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

OH! THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that life’s a great balancing act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

So… be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting.

So… get on your way!

Have you got any favourite quirky wedding readings? We’d love to hear how you’re personalising your day…

Let us know!

5 COMMENTS

  1. I just discovered one for my wedding that I have to share with everyone… It’s from a story called “The Game” by BJ Falken.

    :It appeared to outsiders that they were at odds. He would test her patience and try to charm his way out of it. She would try impose her will through loosely crafted arguments based on creative feminine logic. He would put on magnificent displays of rhetoric and manipulation, because he liked it when she caught him trying to get away with something. She liked it too.

    Over time though, it became obvious that this was not a fight, or a contest. It was a game. Two sides, back and forth. Advance and defend. A game that was almost as much fun to watch, as it was to play.

    In this game, however, keeping score was never necessary. It was like children playing tic-tac-toe. The minute one round was over, they’d scrawl out another cross-hatched board, barely paying attention who had been victorious only seconds earlier. Even if they had kept score, it would have still been tied after a hundred years of play. Sometimes he’d win, sometimes she would. And sometimes, when it was needed, they’d remind the spectators that they were actually on the same team all along and would do anything for each other.

    Before each other, they hadn’t discovered anybody who could play the game at their level, nor anybody who wished to. But they found each other… and in each other a worthy adversary, a constant companion, and a best friend.

    And they played the game for years and years, until one of them died. The person left standing being defeated by the heart’s greatest loss… and yet, still victorious because everyday they had spent together, the game brought into their hearts the greatest joy and love. Again, it was a tie.:

    • Wow Barb that’s a fantastic reading – I’m sure that will go down really well 🙂

      When is your big day?

  2. Palm Ayres was a great inspiration for my reading which helped give my reading a funny alternative and tweaked slightly to reflect Vanessa and Adam.

    This was a toast written by a farmer in Warwickshire around 80years ago. To my knowledge it is not published so has passed down through generations. I nearly used this alongside Pam Ayres reading but unfortunately the middle section has been lost in time! If anyone recognises the toast please do comment as it would be a shame to loose a wise old mans take on marriage –

    Hi Dad, I am writing down the poem written by month Preston but Gdad can only remember a few verses. He said you would be a good person to ask.

    The poem goes –

    May the married be happy
    And the single be wed

    May the poor be wealthy
    And The hungry be fed

    To it and through it
    For all those that can do it,

    Let there’re be no fumbling
    As where there is fumbling there will always be grumbling
    So jolly good health to you all

    Toast!

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